Little Moments

I'm so unfathomably different from who I used to be. Little moments change things. Somewhere along the line who I used to be snapped, shattered, crumbled. Yet here I am resorting to old bad habits, obsessions, addictions. Here I am giving up those years of resistance and diving all too willingly into a sea of my self destruction. I'm sincerely afraid I'm going to kill myself soon. I feel so not real. Somewhere along the line I switched over into this alternate universe where I do not emote, or attempt to share my emotions. Somewhere along the line I began to drink more than I should. Numb.
I've become all too accepting of the fact that I will never heal, I will never be okay, and I won't stop until I die.