"I'm fairly certain that playing videogames has given me unrealistic expectations when it comes to solving real problems. Independent of the scenario - a race of ravenous sentient robots, a wife lost in the folds of a parenthetical metanarrative, and so on - I can be expected to deliver a satisfactory resolution in twenty hours or less. More than satisfactory, in fact. I will recalibrate your entire concept of success as it relates to human endeavor.

I might leave a crack somewhere in the proceedings, something to allow for a sequel, sure - Navajo rugs, and so forth. But this oil thing exists at a point beyond my ability to usefully file it in my mind. I have a naive, quasi-religious faith in the capacity of people to resolve problems, borne of three decades plowed into interactive power fantasies and utopian science fiction. It's left me more or less paralyzed by the world-as-it-is." -Jerry Holkins


black hat

and you look but there's just nothing
and you're scrambling for some justification
because you can justify anything
but there's nothing when you look
so you have to wonder if maybe this endless recursion
of feeling bad because you don't feel bad enough
and feeling bad because you know you're bad
but not feeling worse because at least you know you're bad
as though anything's better

repeating to yourself over and over that you don't understand
how anyone smart can feel good
because anyone smart must know how horrible they are
how horrible and bad and not good they are

i am horrible and bad and not good
but doesn't it feel good to say
to justify anything by knowing how horriblebadgoodnot you are
so of course you would act horrible
act bad, you don't know any other way
so in finding nothing, you find something
to justify anything because you are so fucking smart.