28.8.07

Just the Moon

Standing in my back yard, bare armed in the clothes I wore to that night's party. There's a camera slung over my shoulder by some fake-leather strap and I'm using it to take pictures of the moon. They aren't good pictures by any measure, but they capture the moment. They prove to me and to anybody else that it happened and that I was there when it did.
Staring into the sky at a white ball the size of a dime I feel nothing, but it's the absence of feeling that makes me feel. By staring at this rock suspended in space I felt the presence of everyone and everything that's come before me. "We have this in common, no matter what, this is something we have in common." I breathe in a deep lung of cold pacific air and wait.

I was told the moon might change tonight, that tonight was one of few when it could trade in its indifferent ivory and become vermilion with passion. Tonight was the moon's chance to sever the connection that tethers me to the million young buried at my feet. Tonight I could lift my feet off the ground and fly, free of history, if only for a few minutes.
As the hands on my watched pass the time I was given and the sound of the inconstant stream of a sprinkler breaks the air, I know she's reconsidered. And as I replace the lens on my camera and creep through wet grass to my back door, our connection is stronger than ever and I'm glad.

27.8.07

I Can Wear Lipstick Too

I left town after I found you with him.

How could you?
In my home?
In my bed?
With my panties slung over his face like some sort of sick circus tent?
Except you two could hardly be called acrobats...
I mean seriously, is that the only position you know?

Now I have nice plates
and silverware.
And enough spoons that I never run out between wash cycles
And they're green
So the look prettier covered in apple cores
and tears.

I'm never coming back to that house,
You're the worst mom ever.

This Week's Theme is:
"Floods"

26.8.07

Lets Lady Pee Standing Up

Now every women can pee standing up Antibacterial, Wash-less, discreet!
Whiz Biz dot com!

"Perfect for all outdoor activities, like hiking, camping, climbing, boating, backpacking, travelling, driving, outdoor music festivals or even a family picnic!"

Working?

"If they're really that concerned about the 15 dollars they're losing out by me not finishing my shift then tell them it can go towards the 200 they owe me in back pay that I never got."

then I left.

peace la senza, you suck.

24.8.07

crooked\

llllet's fall and fly
and be happy we don't
give a ffffffffffffffffffff.
a ffffffffffffck.‹
fck.




if I could touch your cheek or your hair
[lips]
your lips.
)))))))))))))))>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>+
+++++++++++
+____++++)))&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&I never found you


no one will.

BBBBut
that's okay,
cigarettes keep you warm;
our own beds and blankets only feel cold
on weekends.
though sometimes I think you are near me
and I want you to think so too.
I find myself staring through walls
nauseous.

"small popcorn." you said.
I think you stopped short of
looking at my eyes.
dddisconnected
disconn&&&&&&&7
like a moth without a flame
or an existential butterfly

23.8.07

At this rate I'll never give proper update again

I need to stop telling people on MSN when I'm going to take a poop.

This is all.

22.8.07

Every Week is Shark Week

You keep talking like we haven't been.
Talking like for the past two months
Our every movement hasn't been directed by it.
Like every time we shudder or speak
We aren't just rattling leaves,
Trying to make nothing out of something.
Trying to hide the sound of footprints being made.
Trying to cover your tracks in advance.
Covering the tracks of trying to advance.
Tricking ourselves,
Our only advances made under the covers.

We can't stop talking
Because it's all we can talk about
Because it's the one thing we don't.

21.8.07

frozentowns and heartbreak

three days i've been sitting here
looking outside at nothing
trying to scan my neighborhood for something new


I tried to begin packing and I tried to start saying goodbyes
but it's still way to early
and I apologize if it's getting repetitive

I have no idea how to say goodbye
So instead of repeating the same old blather
I've been sitting here

listening to okkervil river
and living vicariously through will scheff's lyrics

and wishing I could say the same thing but better
and I've been telling everyone how beautiful this album is
in hopes that they'll understand what im really trying to tell them

but I know that's ridiculous

20.8.07

'ithinkineedtobeadifferentpersonthistimearound'
'ithinkyoujustneedtobeyourself'
'thatdoesn'tmeananything'maybeijustneedtowritemore idon'thaveafavouritebandifsomeoneaskedmethatswhatiwouldsay
isaidthattodayiwouldsayrockmusic
i take my eyes off you and you're gone. every time.

making eyes
at the moon in different phases
circuits perfect

i reprinted an old tablature i used to keep in my head
and i want those callouses back
for my red lips and the eyes
i made for music itself, not just the place it steps in for the sake of history

I'd Be Sick of My Bullshit Too

My tongue is too heavy
That's why my body sways like a toothache
Barely tethered to the ground like a falcon
My arms reaching up to the vultures and valkyries
Gyring forever
Outwards and away
Until nothing comes out of my mouth
Except a copper coated tongue
And the tooth parade.

This Week's Theme:
"Why I Don't Update"

17.8.07

La Pire Matrone Jamais

Even as I'm standing here, looking across the Pacific Ocean, I keep thinking about the kids at home. You assure me, "They'll be fine on their own for one weekend." But, I keep worrying that some day, a million years from now when they're all grown up, they'll be talking about this weekend with some expensive therapist who'll suggest that maybe I just didn't love them enough or that I abandoned them during a formative stage. Whenever I tell you things like that, you tell me I'm being stupid and overbearing and, every time, I fight the urge to bring up your parents, but I know if I did you would go berserk and just say "That's different." Maybe it is. Maybe it isn't.
I wish I could just have a good time like you do. I know that I'm wasting this vacation worrying but I just can't help it. I know that eventually someone's going to recognize you and there'll be a media frenzy and this vacation will be completely ruined. My mother warned me about it last night when I called her from that Gas Station pay phone, which I still can't believe you stopped at, by the way. We're just lucky that the guy at the counter seemed too stoned to care who you were. Sometimes I think you don't even care if we get busted.You come up behind me and wrap your arms around me, right under my chest. I'm so glad you shaved off that long black beard you'd grown, now I can see that cute little scar under your chin. It really is true that there's something sexy about battle scars, it's nice to know I have a man who knows how to handle himself in a fist fight. We walk back to the parking lot holding hands and I notice that you still haven't cleaned your nails. "Honey, I told you that it would dry under there if you didn't clean them." You pull your hand away and look at it then mutter, "It's just a little dried blood, it washes out pretty easy."
When we get back to the car there's already cameras and police cars gathered around it. Some fat, mustached man walks forward and starts to holler at you. You wait until he's right next to you then punch him in the face, that's when the guns start going off and the camera people start talking a mile a minute. CBS, NBC, FOX, CNN... We're national news. I feel blood splatter my face, it's warm and it stings when it gets in my eyes. I step away from your body towards the police cruiser, they tell me to get on my knees and put my hands on my head so I do. As all the cameras point at me and the news reporters rapidly give their viewers my brief history I think to myself, "I wonder if the kids are watching..." and wave to the camera's. But then I remember that there's no television in the orphanage.

15.8.07

goodbye? Fuck.


Just relax, take your time, have some strong cups of bitter coffee.
Feel the light of this town reflect off the diamond that hangs from your window sill
and watch as the rainbows create their vibrant orchestra of colour.
The one that you awoke to every summer morning
before you were greeted by the familiar damp nose of your wandering house cat
and remember how she purred and bit your knuckles
like a friend who understood that your need for
attention was something you only wanted
to feel through some sort of sacrifice

and watch your step when you climb through blackberry bushes that lead you tip toeing through dirt roads that once led to carved out trees and warm hearted beasts.
Watch as they now lead to excavators and rock beds.
Feel your heart sink down below your ribs and twist around your spine.
search for the friends that you need at that time
and remember how the best of your friends will turn into the worst of your enemies in the middle of a move
but also the way that they will
immediately revert with blinding speed to sweetheartdom
as you try and capture memories
in your several desperate last attempts
to create a connection
and you'll grasp out and scream the words you were unable to voice at those failed times when you tried to create closure

and you'll find yourself perched on a mountain
and you'll fall back laughing and spewing out what used to just be mumbled rhetoric
but is now 'clearly phrased and technical'
to some stranger who probably doesn't even know
about all those who are still beating you up inside

you'll repeat the words 'i miss you' to those that you left behind
but the emotion will never be translated properly
because you know emotive letters,words,and conversations
only feel right
when spoken to a close companion late at night
beneath moonlight overlooking oceans or lakes
that you walked through and breathed in, glancing upward at the sky,
where all that was felt,
was forged in the hearts of the pretty spectacle of long dead stars.

11.8.07

019

AHHH

I totally just want to scream FUCK. but you know,
it wouldn't be original.

actually serious.
Drew Barrymore stole my line.

9.8.07

...and then...


Such a lady but I'm dancin' like a ho



I'm buying these in black and possibly purple to wear with high heels to dance on speakers and bars at skeezy night clubs. I love my life.

8.8.07

Regarding Catastrophe and the Cure

I promise I'm not holding anything against you.
How could I, really?

You've never held anything against me,
Even when the opportunity presented itself.

So let's just agree to a cease fire and put these arms away
before someone gets hurt or doesn't.

Thank god for small miracles
and for paths out of this wicked little town.

7.8.07

my list

#1: I am too moldy

#2: I've never been great at being a friend

#3: I like these comox people Waaay too much, and I think my expectations are too high for Prince George

#4: Punks aren't the only cool people in the world.

#5: Last night was a weird dream but it only existed because I was outside his house. Don't over analyze.

#6: TOo much fun at work lately. Too much stress at home.

#7: Too much dependance on my wonderful wonderful friends who I want to spend all my time around.

#8: I don't like drinking because I love conversationalists too much.

#9: Grumps are lumps are frumps are often ~~~~>this guy <~~~~~~

#10: I still think about that stupid boy

#11: Sisters,Colleen,Corrina,Ayri,Andrea,Heidi,Travis,and Zander and Ryan are going
To be missed shitloads when I move in three weeks and I'm dreading not having such great friends in the same town with me.

#12: i got my graduation transcript today.

#13: Travis and heidi better hang otu with me tonight because I love them.

Think 'Let's Get Confessional' but more Confrontational

I'm not trying to run or hide from it.
I'm just trying to get a head start
so that when it finally hits me
that you're seriously gone,
I can get out of bed
and move on
and move forward to forget.

You can all assure me that things will be better
and that nothing changes in one summer,
but we know better about kids and things and problems,
we know that everything is changing
and it's out of control and it's terrifying
but at least we all survive in the end
and at least I can try to get a head start.


This Week's Theme:
"Let's Not Be Dishonest or Maybe
..."

Him&Me (I need to stop dating)

W says: (11:16:10 PM)I saw pauls, i think you can tell its me, you would have no idea its you

W says: (11:16:17 PM)its the "high five" one:S

S says: (11:16:29 PM)what?

W says: (11:16:46 PM)you dont recall?

S says: (11:16:53 PM)no, what happened

S says: (11:17:00 PM)i dont remember most of that night to be entirely honest

W says: (11:17:16 PM)hahah paul came in..and was like wylie high five, and he was like

W says: (11:17:21 PM)I'm not leaving till you high five me

W says: (11:17:23 PM)so i did


S says: (11:17:25 PM)REAALLY?!

W says: (11:17:27 PM)and he took a picture

S says: (11:17:39 PM)how many people were actually in the room

S says: (11:17:41 PM)what the fuck

S says: (11:17:44 PM)how many people saw me naked

S says: (11:17:49 PM)jesus christ

W says: (11:17:50 PM)..5

W says: (11:17:51 PM)?

S says: (11:17:58 PM)im gonna go die now

W says: (11:18:10 PM)that might be a minium number

W says: (11:18:12 PM)i totally dont kow

W says: (11:18:33 PM)but i know, paul, melissa, olaf, nicole and zak, for sure

W says: (11:18:39 PM)vanessa may have been included in there

W says: (11:18:50 PM)as well as sean...sean came in, but we covered up becuase he warned us

S says: (11:18:57 PM)yeah i remember that

S says: (11:19:10 PM)i actually feel like im going to vomit.

Uh Huh, Her

5.8.07

Bullshit, because I'm too exhausted and boring to post anything substanstial



my friend was right, my tits did in fact grow. It's sad that she noticed it a week before I did, and I work at a lingerie store.

Also I need to stop drunkenly making out with random men in bars who are in their mid to late 20s. I'm too young for this adult shit.

INTHEMUSICALS

The Rise of the Black Emperor

When the glow was gone I found myself wanting
To be granted some silence, be rid of this haunting
To be taken away on the crest of a wave
To be given a way to be free of the grave

I became the chemist, I sought transmutation
Creating devices which destroyed my nation
I cared not for gold, it was Iron I'd need
To create a bridge between man and machine

When the bishop got word he began the crusade
Luddites in garb marked 'The Christian Brigade"
But by the time they arrived, I'd completed my work
and waited for them in a swamp midst the murk

I appeared to them as a God among Men
Veins of black oil, the raw strength of ten
I tore out their eyes, I severed their spleens
Just as they'd done to my fellow machines

I followed their trails to the capitol city
I burned down the courthouse, I killed without pity
Women and children, my ex-countrymen
By the time I was done all that lived were the wrens.

It brought me great pleasure to see the look in his eyes
As I cornered the bishop who'd incited these times
Of dread and of war against the Man against death,
Of the cutting of ties, the cessation of breath.

When I finished with him I returned to my home
To begin the creation of mechanical bones
My vocal chords proved incompatible things
So they were replaced with a system of strings

Man's body's a curse for machines to pity,
I call arias of static from the roofs of this city
With a voice like the hiss of guitars' metal strings
I can whisper these secrets of my metal things.

1.8.07

ATLAS


the gods were wrong.

Moonlight Eclipsing the Rainbow

LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE PAIN
PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN LIFE
LIFE PAIN
ART
think about it