black hat

and you look but there's just nothing

and you're scrambling for some justification

because you can justify anything

but there's nothing when you look

so you have to wonder if maybe this endless recursion

of feeling bad because you don't feel bad enough

and feeling bad because you know you're bad

but not feeling worse because at least you know you're bad

as though anything's better

repeating to yourself over and over that you don't understand

how anyone smart can feel good

because anyone smart must know how horrible they are

how horrible and bad and not good they are

i am horrible and bad and not good

but doesn't it feel good to say

to justify anything by knowing how horriblebadgoodnot you are

so of course you would act horrible

act bad, you don't know any other way

so in finding nothing, you find something

to justify anything because you are so fucking smart.