Circus Freaks I

(First part of an unfinished, unrevised, unread Story)

She wiped the make-up off her face with the sides of her knuckles. They came away from her face streaked with lines of mascara and face-paint. She felt that in trying to remove the paint she'd only made herself look even more ridiculous. She continued wiping at it until she felt her face grow hot and swollen with irritation. She wondered for a moment how it had come to this; when had she become the girl who sits above the carnival, crying her eyes out on a cold, wet bench.
She'd lain her coat down on the bench before she sat down, but it was thin and she still felt the moisture leaking into the pale, scarred skin of her thighs. Her glossy, spit soaked lips mouthed the word 'fuck' but she didn't bother to say it. She just watched her breath float up in front of her and started to cry. It's hard to say why she started crying right then, it could have been any number of things or maybe the combination of them all.
Her tears rolled down her cheeks, cutting lines in her flamboyant make-up. She instinctively stopped one of the tears with her tongue but recoiled it when she tasted the combination of the bitter make-up and her own salty tears. She found that even without blocking the tears with her tongue they still rolled down her face and into her mouth. The tears were hot and the bombardment of bitterness and saltiness overwhelmed her, and she found that even when she tried to stop them with her hands they still rolled past and stung her tongue.
Hiccoughs wracked her body because of the frustration and anger she felt. In a fit she batted madly at the tears, slapping her face and leaving ugly lines across her face where the make-up balled underneath her nails. She scraped it out from underneath the deep red and flicked it onto the ground. Soon the soil around the bench was littered with balls of white and red make-up. It was around this point that she started to wipe off the make-up.
She looked out at the sprawling jubilation of the carnival below her and she felt truly ridiculous and insignificant. She stared at the spinning ferris wheel and felt as though she was in a daze. The lights distended and blurred through the filter of tears until they spread out to cover all of her vision. She was surrounded by a glowing rainbow wasteland and everywhere around her there was laughing that looped and overlapped forever. Her stomach flipped and she felt for a moment that she'd throw up, but a voice startled her out of her insanity.

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