23.4.07

In Metal

I decided the best way to get even with you would be to roll your car off the pier one night. I got the car just fine, you never lock it or even bother to take the keys out of the ignition. I rolled it down the block in neutral just to be safe then started it up and drove it out towards the pier. When I unrolled the driver-side window to get some air circulating everything came flooding back with the dull roar of wind on the sides of the car. I remembered sitting in that seat and staring out the window as we drove past the farms and harbours and mills that make up our sky-line. I remembered how you asked me to suck you off when we were driving to Michigan but instead you settled for a hand-job in a truck-stop restroom. I remembered how you'd kissed me and your tongue tasted like cigarettes and gin and you told me, "I love you more when I'm drunk." And I punched you in the jaw and chipped one of your teeth. I remember how good it felt to feel my knuckles crack against your bone and I smiled, gritted my teeth and pressed the accelerator all the way to the mat. The roar got louder the closer I got to the ocean, the rush of air and the din of waves crashing against the sea-wall creating a chaotic harmony; a soundtrack for my vindictive little heart's collapse. I felt the sea make the air salty and I remembered how you'd pull on my face when we were making love, how I'd grab your body and pull you into me. I remembered the hungry monster I was with you and I laughed. I laughed at the way that your soft stomach had shook when you walked before it ended. I laughed at the way mine had suctioned in, pressing my ribs to the surface like swimmers surfacing from the water. I laughed at the way you'd acted so surprised when I told you that I had it and I laughed at the way you'd pretended that you didn't know how I'd gotten it. I laughed at the way your nose had bled so much after I threw your high school trophy at you. I laughed at the lesions which ruined the symmetry of your body and distracted from the scars covering mine. I laughed at the way the nurse had looked at me as I signed the DNR order and finally, as me and your car arced through the air into the Pacific Ocean I laughed because you'd gone before me, because my death was so much cooler than yours.

2 comments:

Moth said...

Oh travis, this is amazing.

"...a chaotic harmony; a soundtrack for my vindictive little heart's collapse."

LOVED it. seriously. You should submit this to a writing comp. or something. this is good.

tangerine said...

I breathed really heavily and read this really angrily and I love you more than you can ever know.