A town full of ghosts

I've lived my whole life in a place that is nothing but a constant reminder of how much I hate myself. You can't run away phsyically, but you can sure as hell remove yourself emotionally, or so you think. It all works until you realize nothing is never new. You'll never actually find anything which you can put all your faith into. I'm like a fucking time bomb in all the relationships or friendships I've ever created.Some person inside of me constantly telling me to get the fuck out of where I am, that nothing is going to end well, that I'll never really appreciate myself that I'm so fucking undeserving of anything good, that it'll all blow up in my face. It's countered of course, countered by a naive moron who keeps telling me that everything will work out and that this year will be different. That this year I'll be a good person, that this year I'll communicate,that this year I've gotten healthier, that this year I'll try my hardest to apologize . Well..now it's time to apologize. Now it's time to start a new, and all I can hear is 'get the fuck out of here.
This is what happens when things are left unresolved. When you learn that you dont really know each other and you are left with all the pieces at your feet. When i was falling apart and dying to get noticed and it just never happened. When you were falling apart and i just didnt care. When we exploded into oblivion.
I need to learn to forget the people who didnt care enough. I need to stop wanting to know how they are doing, if they are happy, if they think of me. Its hard letting go of anyone. I've never been good at it. I miss every person i have ever let go.

I'm fucking sick of turning people into ghosts.

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