Iterate

It’s like a bad drug that you can’t shake
You know its bad for you
But you still crave it
I crave it
But thinking about it makes me sick
But thinking about it excites me
But thinking about it makes me hate myself.

So I don’t understand
I never did;
Why do I always go back
To scratch at a healing wound
Till not even blood dare show,
So raw that all that surfaces is a clear, sticky fluid
Patchwork that never lasts.
It dries, and forms a scab.
Scabs always itch,
And I always scratch.
I am so disgusted
I would never do it in real life
But I would like to
Love them
Without shame
But it would
Ruin them
So this is why
I would never do it in real life
Because
It’s wrong
It’s sick.

Sometimes
I stop scratching
For awhile
Even though it feels
So Good
But then it itches
But then it stings
But thinking about it makes me sick
But thinking about it excites me
But thinking about it makes me hate myself.


[picture from getty images]