I've never known someone, boy or girl, who had healthy relationship with their Father.
Not when they were a teenager at least.
I don't know the reasons, it's just the way things are through my eyes.
They aren't dependable though, my eyes I mean.
Without glasses they're of little more good than an appendix.
To be fair, I can still see
But therein lies the problem.
What is the point of being able to see when all you can glean is the fuzzy shape
of what could potentially be there?
I'm lucky.
Even though I need glasses I can still see pretty well.
I can see a cone around me, probably a few feet in diameter.
But all the rest is just a well-meaning blur.
It's worse than it sounds though.
The best comparison I could is this:

Imagine someone who can only grasp the outlines of a concept
They can grasp it pretty well mind you, they understand what makes it tick
But they can't make the connections between the concept
And real-life.
It's like an incredibly well-learned Doctor
who gets confused when the organs inside the patients aren't paper-thin.

That gives you context for why I'm able to make such a bold generalization as
"I've never known someone, boy or girl, who had healthy relationship with their Father."
I don't like saying things like "I've never..." or "I always..."
Well thats not true
I say those things all the time, I do like to say them
I just feel terribly false when I do.
I get distracted easily when I'm writing something careless like this
something fluid or malleable.
Once my brother gave me a lecture about malleability
well not so much a lecture as a speech where he used the word with wild abandon.

He'd just read a poem I'd written
and he was drunk, because people like to talk to me more when I'm drunk,
and he said "You may have Chris Cannon in you, but you also have a lot of Donna Cannon in you, and there's a lot of malleability there."
ever since, whenever I hear the word malleable I think of my brother.
Thats a god example of how teenagers don't have healthy relationships with their parents
I can't speak for their relationship
I could speak about it but I'd just end up catching shit for it
Who knows who from.
Talking about people's relationships with their parents is a good way to catch shit.
Rightfully so, maybe.
I don't know.
I can't talk to my father about anything serious,
I do all the time but I always feel like an idiot afterwards.
Like with the never/always thing it's something I do all the time but don't like.
Except I think we decided that I do like to do the always/never thing.

So maybe it's nothing like that.

No comments: