my disease?

this has been my pattern..



I said selfish goodbyes to everybody I loved in an effort to figure out and test my own potential.

I waved goodbye to the silly oh-so-teenage crushes because nobody is really that special, and it seemed necessary to stay away from those who try to make me dependent on them for my self-worth. I Shut the door on the pretty boys that taught me feelings can't be forced. I even pushed away the friends.My companions that showed me I truly could fall in love and be understood- the artists that were over emotional and dramatic - the ones who showed me that real heartache comes from expiration dates.


i guess that explains why I'm still unable to be that 'friendly open person' upon meeting someone. I can't open up, because when I do, I'm vulnerable.Too Vulnerable. Yeah, that's cliche, or maybe it's just common..maybe that's the same thing?

It is the roles we take on as human beings that ultimately dehumanize us, and I became so sick of being in that one. So sick of being the distant jerk, the self proclaimed cynic.I guess that explains my actions and reactions. Why I opened up so much when I shouldn't have. Is it clear now? Because if it's not, and if this is a power game, I will hand the trophy over. I don't even want to be the victor anymore.
So I guess I just can't end this vulnerability, and for once I'm not flaking off, and I'm not shying away.
I'm just letting my weakness show.
I hope it is for all the right reasons