You’re trying not to but you can’t help staring at him. His dark bee-sting lips are what it means to be in love. The little bits of coral that are his teeth are poking out from behind his bottom lip and you want to die. You could drown in his thick hair. It’s wispy at the sides and it swoops around his head like a crown. It’s blonde again, like it was the summer when you met him. You take a moment to remember his sand speckled body in the surf, the lack of tan-lines under his swim trunks, the way they clung just right... You lose yourself just thinking about it. He still makes you feel that way now. You aren’t bored with him; you never could be. You know the initial sparks are gone for him, but according to everyone you’ve talked to that just means it’s your chance to prove your dedication to him. Anyways, sparks or no sparks he still lets you blow him in the back of his Dad’s station wagon and making love to you when he’s drunk. It just means that afterwards instead of saying thanks he pulls his clothes on and tells you not to look at him in the middle of it.
He’s with his ugly girlfriend again. He knows he’s way too good for her but he got back together with her just before the spring semester anyways. You still remember exactly how he’d broken the news to you. You were waiting on the curb like you do every Wednesday and he pulled up in front of your trailer in his Lincoln town car. You figured he must have had something special planned; he never picked you up with the car he drove to school in. Excited, you got up to get in but he rolled down the window before you could and said, “Me and Hillary are back together so don’t call unless I tell you to and if someone asks who you are tell them you’re on the football team.” You stared at him, dumbstruck but still giving him your cutest smile. “I’ve got to go pick her up now. I can’t be seen driving my car around this shit hole anyways. Later.” And just like that he sped away.
You’d been devastated at first but then you realized he was clearly just trying to preserve your relationship. If people saw he was unattached to a girl for too long they might start to have suspicions, which he tells you could really jeopardize this scholarship he’s lined up for. You don’t mind if he’s with ugly Hillary anyways, she’s a strict christian and she won’t even let him finger-fuck her outside marriage. They’ll never last, and you’ll be there when he needs someone to talk to or to fuck without a condom. You know that eventually he’s going to realize that what he really needs has been kneeling in front of him all along, wether Hillary stopped coming to bible study or not.